Once again, it is time to select the best beer name of the year. We name this pseudo award after Marble’s Thunder from Dortmunder, the first local beer name to crack us up years ago.

The rules are fairly simple: A brewery has to come up with an original name and release it for the first time in a calendar year. Sorry, no repeats for a beer like Sidetrack’s Matching Stoutfits, which won this honor last year.

The Crew combs back through editions of The Week Ahead in Beer to line up a long list of favorites. We then nominate our picks, and the beer with the most “votes” takes the title.

Now, not every brewery goes for the funny/whimsical/pun-filled names, and that is OK. Also, this is just our opinion, so if you have a personal favorite that we do not list here, go ahead and leave a comment identifying that specific beer.

This year, rather than just do a straight list of the nominees, I felt like doing something a bit more whimsical. Tell me that I’m an idiot later. Right now, this is all in the spirit of fun.

An ode to the naming of the brews

“It’s Not a Tuber!” shouts Bosque from the rooftops, before the Gourd Summoner works its magic.

Beware those Flying Saazers, little Rez Pubby, and take refuge at Bow & Arrow where they tell you Don’t Let Them Pick Guitars and Drive Them Old Trucks.

If you must venture forth, visit the Blonde Bearista, as she marvels at a Decade of Dorks Dort, whereupon the warning of Flip Around & Find Out is plastered all over the walls at Boxing Bear.

Fear not, though, as Buzz Lightbeer protects the hallowed halls of Brew Lab 101. Sometimes he will call up his old friend, Burq Reynolds, who keeps things humming along with that sweet ‘stache over at Canteen.

Brace yourselves, however, as Downshift might again tell that story about walking Uphill in the Snow Both Ways.

Things are a little wild over at Ex Novo, where a Wee Numpty might tell you to Sumo Suit Yourself, before the staff reminds you to Yabba Dabba Don’t. Austin Flowers won’t rescue you this time, even when you say that We Have the Fruits.

What’s that sound? Could it be A Bustle in Your Hedgerow at Flock of Moons? No, you need to get back to Packing Your Bags for the Misty Mountains. Along the way, stop at Gravity Bound, and marvel at that Little Farm on the Berry.

If you need a ride, don’t ask for one from those Cougars from Mercury. They created quite the Fuster Cluck over at High and Dry.

While you travel about, make sure to Take a Pitcher, It’ll Last Lager, particularly when you’re visiting La Cumbre.

Head on down that road less traveled, and remember Thistle Do Nicely when you open the Wheating Rainbow at Marble. Be kind, though, because Dave’s Not Mild, Man.

Nuckolls would like to remind you that Hoppy Wife, Hoppy Life.

Time to get spooky? Time to get spooky, because All the Damn Vampires are back at Painted Lady Bed and Brew, and they know that Wolfman’s Got Nards. You might respond Please Don’t Kill Me, Mr. Ghostface, but he’ll reply that Danny’s Not Here Right Now, Mrs. Torrance, before reminding you to Never Feed Him After Midnight.

Away you go, whispering to someone at Rio Bravo to Talk Derby to Me, but they are Very Demure, and Barrel-ly Legal. Yikes, time to go, because you need to figure out Whose Lime is it Anyway? over at Sidetrack.

Starr Brothers are a little Too Hop to Handle, so you settle in and get Comfortably Plum at Steel Bender, all while wondering about What We Brew in the Shadows.

Thirsty Eye would like to remind you that it is All Downhill from Beer, as you remember to say Hello Dunkel, My Old Friend at Tumbleroot. Turtle Mountain has posted a 411: Missing in the Mild, so get a little La Vida Mocha to prep for the search.

Oh, but the best road forward is always in collaboration. Bosque may face a Panic at the Bisco over at Sawmill Market, but if you rode your bicycle there, Canteen and Gravity Bound promise you a Wheely Good Time as long as you dance with the Mashing Queen and the Pink Boots Society. Just make sure to get home before sunset, because Flix and Steel Bender provided a Vampyre Boost, beneath the Dark Side of the Moons that can be seen by the Brew Crew at Flock of Moons.

---

Yeah, that was a dumb bit of fun, but a good way to kick off the week. Now comes the hard part, as we have to add up those Crew votes.

Last year, we noted the best movie line (She’s a Beaut, Downshift), best real-life reference (Casual Car Fire, High and Dry), best accompanying can art (Rise of the Weresquirrel, La Cumbre, and El SomBearo, Boxing Bear), and the best one you want to yell (Shut the Front Dort, Thirsty Eye).

If we had to pick in those special categories this year, just about any Painted Lady brew would get our pick for movie line (personally, I thought Wolfman’s Got Nards, a reference to the ’80s cult classic Monster Squad was the best). No one set any cars on fire in any brewery parking lots this year, so in terms of a real-life reference, we have to go with Yabba Dabba Don’t, though we’re not sure if Ex Novo wants us to explain the story behind that. Can art is so darn subjective, but we have to say that the design for Mashing Queen captured the spirit of that beer perfectly. As for the beer name you have to yell, do your best impression of Arnold and shout, “It’s Not a Tuber!”

Among the Crew members who voted, Brandon and Franz Solo did pick one favorite over the others. Brandon said Buzz Lightbeer was just too wholesome, while Franz Solo tapped his inner hobbit to select Packing Your Bags for the Misty Mountains. All told, 18 beers on our list got one or more votes. And, while we could have just voted for Dark Side of the Moons, our collab with Flock of Moons (and for the record, it was brewer/co-owner Jeff Tomlinson who came up with the name, not us), we have to go by the votes, with two beers getting three apiece.

In the end, though, there can be only one, and it fell to yours truly to cast the tiebreaker between Take a Pitcher, It’ll Last Lager (which was very clever) and the ultimate winner.

Congrats to Steel Bender on What We Brew in the Shadows (this being the final season of its namesake show helped me make that tough decision), and really, congrats to all of our breweries on giving us such a strong list of names to choose among for this new annual honor.

The only thing better than all those names? The beers themselves! Get out there and try those that are currently available and show the breweries a little love during the slowest month of the year.

Keep supporting local!

— Stoutmeister